Saturday, March 23, 2013
@ 4:30 AM

Hi so yeah I'm back online at 4:07am cos I slept tooooo early. 8:30pm haha was so tired I just coma-ed on my bed. Andddd yeah late night thoughts..... This is a post where I pour my heart out so if you don't like such stuff then warning! Go away!! 

Anyway to get to the point here I have recently lost two pool matches and this is double-elimination (which means one has to lose two matches before they are disqualified). It was kinda a big.. disappointment?shock? Or whatever. Point is, I have thought about what really happened back there.

Truth is I'm known for walking out of the room when I lose any one random game with people in the pool club I'm in. And I'm not proud of that- it just shows how little control I have over my anger management. The reason why I walk out (I have thought about this for super long) is that I'm frustrated with myself, I know I could have done better but yet I didn't. And as a result of not doing my best, I lost. When I know I could have won if I didn't make this mistake or that. Yeah blah blah blah I'm sure everyone has felt like they were disappointed with themselves for not being able to do their best. Well that's me right there and disappointment builds up to frustration and then snowballs into anger and yeah you know the rest.

Another thing I realized was that I was too cocky. Sigh, yes. I hate to admit this but I thought too highly of myself. I was out of practice for not playing and I still thought, hey, I could easily win even if I didn't put in enough training beforehand. Such obnoxious behaviour debbie.... But it's fine. I know what I know now. I am wrong for being so condescending. I always thought I was better but no haha not with my attitude.

What I learnt from this is that one is never good enough. Needless to say, even professionals train everyday and I think that my standard is enough. The good side to this is that I'm easily contented (LOL). The bad side is that I don't strive for improvement. 

Not anymore. I won't think that I am good enough any longer. I have trained for 3 hours today and I'm kinda ashamed to admit that today has been the first time I have trained for more than 1 hour, or even train at all. Regardless, I'm still happy with myself. I made a small step and I hope that I will continue to have this determination!

One last note to myself... Watch your attitude man deb do NOT flare up at people who ask for the results. 

Alright, got to turn in to go for this pool clinic at 8:45am. Hope this clinic is worth it and not a total waste of time like what Alvin said!

A random photo to lighten the heaviness of this post!